About Me


I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

not the mom i thought i would be

This parenting thing is for the birds....and yes, as I parent Jacob there are plenty of things that happen that I regret, or I wish I hadn't done, but trust me,there is nothing that a typical child can do that can hold a candle to a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...
I seriously do not know which end is up after tonight....I don't know what to do, I dont know how to do it better, and I am pretty sure I need a break, but in parenting THERE IS NO BREAK....and worst of all, even if I took a break, it all starts back up again once the break is over.....so really, there is no break.

Allow me to walk you through what happened.....
Today was a snow day, I knew it was going to be a snow day, and I know David likes to cook, so I decided that we would make a cake. We got up, the day started pretty well and Matthew asked to go outside.....he went out, and actually for one of the first times ever, ended up at a neighborhood child's house and was there for a few hours.
I spoke to the mom a few times, and he was doing fine, so I went on with my day with Jacob and David.

We had a great time baking a cake, we built a fort, it was a busy day, a little stressful, but nothing I couldnt handle.....About 2:30 Matthew came home and still wanted to play outside, so he dropped off some cookies from the playdate, and 3 packets of hot cocoa and went outside to play.

The little guys had been resting, but they got up around 3, and we hung out on the couch together. Eventually Matthew came inside. The energy level in the house was a little loud, and we stopped playing a few times to talk about being kind to each other etc.... finally at 4:45 I decided I needed a mommy break and told the boys they could watch a video.

Well things got a little quiet, so I became concerned. After a little asking, I found out that Matthew had been eating frosting out of the container and it was gone.....so I told him I was going to throw out the hot cocoa. Now you have to know that Matthew has been peeing the bed mutiple times a night for 5 weeks now, and you have to know the boy is OBSESSED with hot cocoa. So my choices were to 1. make him hot cocoa tonight- but it was late and this would lead to more bedwetting
2. not make the hot cocoa tonight and he would create a mess with it in the middle of the night due to his obsessing.

Now there were 3 packets of hot cocoa, so I asked him for all 3. He gave me 1 and then went on and on about how he didnt know where the other 2 were.....aka he was lying.

After fruitless searching around the house and me getting more and more angry, I told him he would go to bed if he didnt give it to me....suddenly.....AHA he found it on top of thefridge....really, did it get up there by itself? Really did he now know where it was the whole time? UGH

So this is where it gets frustrating, because now I know he had hid the 1 container, but he was stomping around insisting he didnt know where the other container was. WHO CAN BELIEVE HIM???? It truly became intensely frustrating....do I put him to bed? Do I trust that he doesn't know where it is? I walked him through trying to find it, and as I asked him questions this is what I would get.....

My words are in italics
"did you put the hot cocoa on top of the fridge" YES
"where is the other hot cocoa" the 2nd one was on top of the fridge
"I know you got the second one from on top of the fridge, where is the other one?" I didnt put it on top of the fridge
"ok, but you put one on top of the fridge" No, I put the second one on top of the fridge

Round and round, seriously until I didnt know which end was up.....finally I decided to drop it, and went upstairs and I found a smear of hot cocoa on the bathroom door, so of course then I had to reopen the conversation.....because now I likely have an OPEN container of hot cocoa powder...and as I began to requestion him....this is what I got:
"I hate Seany's mom....She yelled at me!" Now he had been at Tres's house,so it took me a minute to figure out who Seany's mom was, and really did I care about Seany's mom, not really because I justwanted the HOT COCOA!

Well as he continued on and on about Seany's mom it turned out he apparently had a scuffle with another mom in the neighborhood....something about a snowbank....but then as I tried to gather more info he also told me he didnt see Seany's mom today.....so really, who knows what happened.

I feel like I am going insane....I think he knows he can make me insane....so the day ended with a yelling battle, that like all yelling battles ends with me feeling like a crappy mom.....and I threw out the hot cocoa, and he ate the frosting, so there is nothing in the house to wallow my crappy mom feelings in, so I have had to sit here just feeling pretty crappy and knowing in the morning, chances are great that I will wake up to a hot cocoa mess somewhere.


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