Lucky

Lucky.....not a word I often think of when I think of our lives.  But Lucky is the only word I have for this weekend.  Lucky for so many reasons!

1.  Jacob and I seem to have moved on from our adoption talks and he seems to be at peace.  His adoption binder is back in the drawer and he no longer wants to sleep with it each night.

2.  Jacob has asked that I make sure to keep his binder safe, but we had the opportunity to talk again about his adoption at midnight on Friday night when it was just him and I and we were snuggling together.  This is the best way to talk about life's worries- maybe not the best time, but certainly while snuggling makes the talk considerably safer.

3.  I had the chance to scrapbook with friends this weekend and I used that time to work on each of the boys adoption books.  While going through Matthew's book I found pictures I had forgotten I had of Matthew's birth mom, and I found the letters she wrote to me.  I had forgotten how beautiful her words were, and how much faith she had in me.  I had forgotten the love she had when she placed him for adoption and gave me the gift of motherhood.  Upon finding her letters I felt like I had been punched in the gut- had I let her down?  Did I keep my part of the deal? Would she be proud of me as his mom?  Adoption means that you are caring for the hopes and dreams of another parent.  It is quite a responsibility, and finding her letters reminded me of my promises to her upon Matthew's adoption.

4.  Jacob had a fabulous playdate with an old friend from preschool, and on Saturday David and I had the day together.  As a single mom with 3 boys, time alone with one child is rare.  To have time with David is an amazing gift.  You get to hear what he is thinking and what he feels.  It was among my best 3 hours in the past month.  I always say that I have to find more time to give each of my boys alone time, and again I am recommitting to this promise.

5.  Today Matthew had a playdate.  He is 11 years old and hasn't had a playdate in 7 years.  That is a long time for a child to go without an invitation to play with another child.  Watching Matthew and his friend I felt like I had been given a parenting gift.  It was awesome to watch Matthew negotiate the intricacies of socializing with a friend, and heart warming to watch his friend spend time with our family.
We went to the YMCA to swim and then went on a hike and the day passed with happiness and ease.  My wish for years was for Matthew to have a friend!  My wish has come true!  It was all that I wanted and more to see him happy and playing with a peer!

6.  I feel like we are part of a great community again.  With my boys, and I think also in part due to who I am as a person, a feeling of belonging comes and goes for me.  Today I was reminded that we are part of a wonderful community.  I will never be a person with a huge number of friends, but I am a person who is blessed to have a community of supporters and people who want to see my family succeed!  For that I am so lucky.