today's update

My brain is functioning best in random thoughts, rather than organized writing.....so here goes:

1.  The Nurse Practitioner at 4 winds talked to matthew's outpatient psychiatrist today.  They agreed to decrease his prozac, as it might be causing him to be agitated.  Curiously, when I called on New Years Eve, before things got really, really bad, and I asked this EXACT question, I was told that there was no need to change meds at that time.

Apparently it is only after your child is restrained by police and 3 adults at school that it becomes apparent that prozac may cause agitation.

2.  Jacob asked if they could have dessert today because "they never get dessert".  I reminded him that sometimes we get dessert, and he said that the wants the dessert that you buy and is there again the next day.  If that didnt break my heart and convince me to buy the boy a carton of ice cream, nothing would!

This child is growing up with a wacky view of the world, but it is his view!  I am walking a fine line between giving him the "normal" things that happen in life,  (ie having ice cream in the house, having our food not locked in a lock box,) and not making life soo much fun that when Matthew comes home the adjustment is rough on Jacob.

3.  To hear Jacob and David both say all morning and all evening how much fun it is when it is the 3 of us makes me so sad and so proud all at the same time.  That they can both recognize their emotions and realize that they should enjoy this time makes me proud.  I hope they are always comfortable telling me when they need a break from the stress of FAS.   I hope that sometime soon we can have a good time together and I can point out how awesome it is to be the 4 of us all together!

4.  I woke up this morning and felt at peace and relaxed.  We had a slow morning around the house, and lazied around before school.  Last summer the head of Matthew's summer program described Matthew as being a constant verbal attack on a person.  I had forgotten how true this statement is.  Even when Matthew is happy, which he is a lot, he lives life functioning at an energy level of at least 15 on a scale of 1 to 10.  No one else can function like that.  He spins, he talks, he jumps, he sings, he exhausts me. 
it is nice to have this quiet.

I am going to use this time as the gift that it is for me and my boys.  Matthew is getting a break and life for him in many ways is easier in the hospital.  He thrives on having all of the new people to interact with and the schedule that is not able to be replicated outside of that setting is really good for him.

  I spoke to him tonight and he is happy.  He missed hebrew school which upset him, but beyond that he enjoyed his activities today.  I am going to see him tomorrow and will be meeting with the social worker.   I will keep hoping that new opportunities open and new meds help him to find peace.