When I am at work I try really hard to focus on work. I know that my boys are typically safe, and that what happens at school needs to be dealt with at school. I am not as successful at compartmentalizing life as I would like to be, but then again, these are after all MY boys, and so like all good parents, I worry about them.
Summer school just started, a measly week and 1 day ago, and yet it seems like there is more confusion and messed up communication then I have ever dealt with. I know, and I try to remind myself, that there are at least 3 sides to all stories, mine, theirs and our shared reality, and I also know that everyday is just a little blip in each boys life, however all that said, I need communication to be accurate and honest and reflective of reality.
matthew had a good first day of summer school, a decent second day and since then, on his teachers rating scale he has had days rated as 2 or 3. Essentially a "2" day means that there was a large outburst, a "3" day means that there was not a large outburst, but that matthew was unsettled and on edge all day. We decided together, the teacher and I, that a "4" day was a good matthew day, and a "5" was outstanding, and a day where he got a "1" would be a day I would be asked to come to school as the problem was huge.
Why is it, given this scale, that on Monday when he had an outburst that led to the entire class being removed from the room, and 3 adults helping Matthew calm down, that I was told by the Social worker on Tuesday that this week he had 2 good days? Why was it that thsi is what the social worker said, when the note, DIRECTLY FROM THE TEACHER, said that Tuesday was a "3" day?
Why was it also that today when I spoke to the director of summer school, I was told that he had a good day today, but the teacher wrote that today was a "3" and Matthew was "far more elevated here than he was during the school year."
When I asked about these differences, I was told that "Monday was a good day AFTER the outburst, so it was a good day". If in a 3 hour program, you outburst for an hour, in what program is that considered a good day?
I have to deal in realities. I have to make decisions about my son, and I can only make decisions when I am given concrete facts to base my decisions on.
In similar news, the babysitter was told by the bus aide on Friday and Tuesday that David had a rough bus ride, and Matthew reported that Friday the bus was pulled over to calm David down. However, when I asked about this, I was told that he had a rough few minutes on Tuesday, but everything was find on Friday. Why was the bus pulled over? is David having seizures on the bus? Is he worried, what is upsetting him? David cannot communicate enough when he is upset to tell someone what is wrong. He uses behaviors to ensure that an adult helps him and supports him. Once you calm down the behavior, with help David can tell you what is wrong. As David's mom I am worried if he is struggling on the bus. I have to know what is going on so I can fix it. However, if I can't find out what happened, I can't talk to David and we can't problem solve for a solution.
I know this is only a 6 week program. I know that this program won't make or break anything for either of my boys, but I do need to know what is going on, and if they are ok, so that I can make appropriate decisions and without facts I can't do that.
- I am a single mom of three amazing boys! All three of my sons entered my family through adoption. All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!