About Me


I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

silence....please I need silence

From the minute I walk in the door all I hear is noise......I can't get out of my car and into the house to put my keys down without being accosted by noise.  An interesting fact or a question here or there, of course I am happy to listen to.  Non stop noise........non stop......read those two words.....take in those 2 words......non stop!

I am a parent who waited with baited breath until Matthew was 2, David was over 2 and Jacob was 23 months to hear my boys first words.  I understand the burning desire to hear your child.  I cried the tears of a parent who didnt know what their child wanted.  That said, I would give anything now to have a night of peace and quiet.

Matthew believes that whatever he thinks you have to know.......did you see that car it was blue, oh no, there goes a bus, I like that bus, do you like busses that is the bus I rode on wolf road.  today I said I didnt want to go to garden club anymore.  do you know the stone temple pilots? is michael jackson dead?  do you want to hear about my day?  today I got all green.  what's for dinner?  can we have ice cream.  I had a good day.  can we celebrate? how about going out for ice cream.  I read a book at school today.  Did you see the bus?  It has the people on it.....oh gross that person is smoking.  yuck, hey lady, smoking is gross.  


and on, and on and on and on....until your brain or your ears might explode.  Until you might go crazy.

On top of this right now David is doing his cough..... repetitive cough with a throat clear.  His teacher hears it.  I hear it, the babysitter does not hear it......to me it is a constant panic.  Is he ok?  Does something hurt him?  Is it a tic? allergies?  reflux?  What is happening? 

Add to this Jacob who wants to tell me about his day, and truly in the 2 hours between the time I get home and bedtime I feel like I have gone from being sane to being crazy.  It is all I can do to get them into bed.  And then the , "I have one last thing to say" game starts.....one last thing?  Matthew, how is there one more thing?  I am going to implode!!! I can't hear one more thing....wait, that's not true, poor David, have I heard from him at all tonight?  Has he said anything to me?  I have to know how his day was, but when I ask he doesnt always answer.....hell, who am I kidding....he can't answer....there is no room to answer!

I tried starting a new routine where Matthew could only ask a question every 10 minutes....that seems maddening though to time when a child can ask you a question....1.  because who the hell wants to time that  and 2. because in between him asking a question he is asking how much longer he has to wait or he is telling me "2 more minutes til I can say something again"

I am celebrating the fact that Matthew's behavior is good right now....really, really good.  However, that said, life is still exhausting.  It is still a lot to handle, and it is still hard to know if I am doing it right.

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