About Me


I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

We don't fit in either camp

Sometimes the hardest part for me of being David and Matthew's mom is that we don't really fit into either camp.  My boys both look typical.  You would never guess just by looking at David or Matthew that they struggle to the extent that they do cognitively.  Both boys also have some incredible strengths that in some ways hide their weaknesses.  For tonight, this is what I am struggling with.

David isn't toilet trained, and for the most part I have taken it in stride.  It isn't easy.  He wears underwear because most of the time he is urine trained, but recently even that has become less consistent.  He has never been bowel trained, and honestly I don't even know what to do to have him become bowel trained.  I do know that for today, I am exhausted.  I am physically tired of changing his pants.  I am physically tired of throwing out underwear.

I have heard all of the suggestions:
Have him try each night at the same time to use the toilet.
Have him walk around naked.
Have a smiley face chart for success.

I have heard all of the understanding, sympathetic cheerleading:
My son toilet trained late too- Really, because David will be 10 in January so unless your child was 11.......
Have you taken him to a GI doctor?
Sometimes boys are just slow.......

For tonight, I am just tired.  I need to just put extra clothes in the car, because that would solve part of the problem for me.  If we have clothes to change into, then this goes from being a big deal to being a solveable problem no matter where we are.

To get graphic for a moment.....for  most of his life, David was constipated, but at least that meant the poop accidents were neat and tidy.  Now, he is taking medicine to unconstipate him, but this is leading to nasty gross accidents, and well ,while I don't want him in pain and constipated, there is something to be said for neat and tidy accidents.

In other David news, his anxiety about school continues to rise.  How do I know this?  Because the number of items David is "organizing" around the house is increasing at a rapid pace.  The more nervous David is the more he organizes, basically as a way to create order for himself.  Currently for us as a family though this means we are missing:
1 credit card
1 Itunes gift card
1 Macy's gift card
1 baseball t-shirt
and who knows what else.

The hardest part with David is that once he "organizes" something, he cannot/will not tell you where he put it.  All he will do is copy whatever you say.  So basically the conversations become maddening!
Me- "david where did you put Mommy's credit card?"
David-"mommy's credit card?"
Me- "yes, did you play with it?"
David- head shake yes
Me- "ok, if you played with it, where did you put it?"
David- "put it?"
Me- "yes did you put it upstairs or downstairs"

And then he will just choose  a random place, but that place is never where he put the item...I don't honestly know if he knows where he put the item.  I don't know what he is thinking or what he is doing.  I do know I have now torn the house apart lookng for these things, and he is one hell of a hider.

One time I got a $100 bill for my birthday and David opened the envelope took out the $100 bill and put it in a piggy bank that we never, ever, ever use.  I didn't even remember having this piggy bank. I begged David to tell me where the money was, I pleaded, I asked, I yelled, I got exasperated and finally I gave up. Almost a year later, as I was going through and cleaning out a shelf I found the piggy bank, opened it and the $100 bill was inside it!

So basically, as I try to stay calm and remember that he is nervous about going to a new school, and remember that likely I will find these items all in good time, I am losing my mind.  I am debating getting a box to lock up important things until David is calm again, and settles into school, but I hate locking up our lives.

For now, I am going to try to breathe and remember that this too shall pass.  One day he will either stop shitting his pants, or he won't, and one day I will find these missing items, or we won't.  My mantra is think big picture.......support him through this change to a new school.  Soon he will realize that it is no big deal.  He will love Glenmont as he loved Hamagrael.  Tonight my mantra is not calming me down.

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