About Me

I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

signs that I am doing it right

Sometimes as a parent we hear our child say things just as we say them and we moan...."ugh, he sounds JUST like ME!" and we wish that we were doing things differently.  As a mom, especially with Jacob, I have a lot of those moments.

 Today he and David were carrying a toy to the basement and Jacob started to scream, "hurry up David, help me NOW, I mean NOW, I need help" and he sounded just like I had sounded a few weeks ago as I was building the boys some furniture.  Sure, I could have been nicer, and I could have used a quieter voice, but as the piece was tipping and I needed help....well, that is just how things came out!

Today, as the boys were carrying toys, and Jacob was dropping his.....well, as he put it, " that's just how it came out....I needed help in a hurry!"

Last night however, I saw my favorite side of Jacob....we were at Temple for Camp Shabbat, and David was "off".  He was throwing his napkin on the floor, dropping crayons, and just looked "off". I was hoping he would be excited to be at Camp Shabbat because a staff member from his sleep away camp was going to be there and they would be singing camp songs.  I was hoping it would bring up good feelings for David, and he would be excited.

I'm still not sure what David was thinking or feeling, but my heart swelled as Jacob supported David through his struggle.  Jacob is amazing with David.  He often puts David's needs ahead of his own in order to ensure that David is happy.  Last night, as Jacob saw David was struggling, he started asking him questions:
"Are you happy?"- no answer
"Are you sad?"- no answer
"Do you miss camp?"- no answer
"Are you afraid you are going to have to go back to camp?"- no answer, but a long look at Jacob- our first hint....there is some worry about camp- Jacob immediately catches this and continues questioning
"Are you afraid you have to go to camp tomorrow?"- no answer
"Do you miss me when you are at camp?"- David's eyes fill with tears
"Do you miss David, Mommy, Jacob time when you are at camp?"- tears fall down
"It's ok, it's not time for camp.  We can figure it out.  Do you want this magnet?"

Immediately, a smile comes across David's face, and Shabbat peace resumes.  Jacob has figured it out, through kind, calm questions, and David never even said a word, yet Jacob has solved his worries.

Tonight we were at Staples getting our computer fixed and Staples is Jacob's favorite store!  He immediately ran off to go look for a new pen or folder, or something that he HAD to have for his art desk.  As he was looking, David found a folder that he wanted.  Without missing a beat, Jacob came over to tell me that he had 50 cents, but David really wanted a folder and a pen and they both cost 50 cents, but he wanted to be the one to buy them for David.  He was willing to not get himself a folder, so that he could buy David what David wanted.  

All of this making David happy, is done with such a calm, purpose, and with such joy for Jacob, that it makes my heart swell.  I hope that I can say that while Jacob may at times model my shortness, and my exasperation, that he also models my kindness and my patience!  I hope that a part of this comes from me......cause it sure makes me proud!

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