I dont know what to do with my sadness, and I am so tired but yet I can't sleep.....I know that I have made the decision that is best for matthew, and for all of us, and I know that matthew needs his meds altered, and I know that by going to the hospital, we will likely end the cycle and matthew will come home healthier, but that doesnt make me less sad.
I miss the nonstop chatter that is matthew.
I miss the nuances, that sometimes make me crazy
I miss the fact that my son is not the healthy boy I thought he would be.
I hate that Matthew struggles.
I hate that matthew has a hard life
I hate that his hard life makes life harder for the other 2 boys and for me.
Why did his brain have to be damaged?
I can only hope that the doctors can help, and that a new mixture of medications and dosages will help Matthew.....but for tonight I am sad, and the house feels a little too quiet without my Matthew.
- I am a single mom of three amazing boys! All three of my sons entered my family through adoption. All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!