David and I have the baseball blues

David only wants to play baseball on a "regular team".  He sees his brothers gear up for baseball twice a week, and today he decided he has had enough.  He is desperate to play!  He doesn't want to play on a special education team.  He doesn't want to be the manager.  He only wants to play and be "one of the guys".

To look into his eyes as he asked me over and over and over again ( because when David is stressed or upset he tends to repeat his sentences) why he can't play was a total mommy low moment.  There really is no answer that I can give him that will satisfy him.

"you can't play because you can't hit the ball, and just standing at home plate isn't safe as kids pitch to you?"     "you can't play because you don't understand the rules?"  Then again, how are you ever to understand the rules, if you can't play
"you can't play because at your age the kids don't use a T and the best chance you have is using a T, but you are too old to play with the T ball league"
"you can't play because there is some stupid dumb rule that says, you can't play unless you can play independently, and you can't do that yet because you need support to be successful"

I begged the league to let David play at Jacob's level.  He would be playing as a 10 year old with 5, 6 and 7 year olds, but that is the level he is at.  I was told he is too old.

I begged the league to put David on the 9/10 team, but that I would help him hold the bat and hit the ball and run with him. I was told that is unsafe.

He has been offered a hat to wear- but he doesnt' just want the hat.....he wants to PLAY!

I have offered him the option of playing in the special education league, but he wants to play with his brothers, at their field, with them.

I hate it when there aren't any answers.  When all I can do is look at his eyes and see his tears.  He asks for so, so little.  Truly, we should all be as happy as David is most of the time....he loves the simplest things in life.  But this want I can't make come true and it has my heart hurting.

I spoke to Jacob's coach today, and he is going to let David keep track of the runs and the outs in an "official" book, and David will have a hat and a t-shirt.  And for now, this will have to be the best I can offer to David.

However, it isn't good enough.  It isn't enough to make David's tears go away, and the lump in my throat go away.

I want to see David at bat.....David wants to be at bat.....and oh how I wish I could make that happen.