About Me


I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

thoughts......

So many thoughts, but not really able to put together a full post, so here goes my random thoughts:

1.  To Jacob's psychologist- when I brought all 3 kids with me tonight, it was because it was the easiest thing for me to do , and I thought it would be good for you to meet the other 2 boys so you would know who Jacob is talking about.  What I did not expect to hear is "he looks more workable than I expected" in regards to matthew.  As a Psychologist don't you know that you can't really tell a lot about kids with special needs just by looking at them.

What I really didn't expect was Matthew's break down at the Psychologist office because we were having pasta for dinner.  While I appreciate that you decided to talk to Matthew rather than work with Jacob, here are my thoughts:
a.  Maybe asking how old Matthew is was not really helpful- yes he is 12, but he has an IQ of 57 so he acts more like a 4 year old.  He was behaving like a 3 year old........did shaming him make him calm down?

b.  Saying that "maybe I needed you to come home to help me" once Matthew was calm was a great way to pat yourself on the back, but what I know, that you do not, because you didn't ask, is that you appeased Matthew by giving him what he wanted.  You allowed him to negotiate to have cereal for dinner rather than pasta.  However, the rule in my house is what I cook is what is for dinner.  I am not a short order cook.  I believe in family dinners.  Matthew often kicks up a fuss about what I am cooking and then wants seconds and thirds.
When he sat down for his cereal he was miserable, he wanted pasta like the rest of us.  Totally predictable!  This is why I had not offered cereal.  He will now wake up very hungry in the morning which should make the morning wonderful.........

2.  I had Matthew's IEP meeting yesterday.  What I wanted was a commitment that he would be in a class with 4 students, 1 teacher and 2 aides and not change teachers over the course of the day.  What the school wanted was 6 students, 1 teacher, and 2 aides and who knows if he will change teachers over the course of the day.
What we ended up with: 4 students, 1 teacher, and 2 aides and who knows how many teachers he will have over the course of the day.

What surprised me is that the other adults in the room can't figure out:
1.  why I am stressed that I have to wait until August to find out about how many teachers Matthew will have over the course of the day.
2.  Why Matthew NEEDS 1 adult.  He NEEDS predictability and structure.  This cannot be achieved with 1 teacher for Math, 1 for English, 1 for science etc.  You would not give a 3 year old multiple teachers, therefore Matthew should not have multiple teachers either.
3.  When I asked about other options I was looked at like I had 3 heads.....I am supposed to now just sit back and relax and wait until the decisions are made in August......really?  OK, I am going to try.......but basically, I won't know:
                                      1. what school Matthew will be attending
                                       2. how many teachers he will have
                                       3.  where his school will be located
Yep you're right....no anxiety here......none at all........oh and by the way, none for Matthew either who just really needs to know whether he is going back to his school or not.  You see, he would like to know if he needs to say goodbye to people or not.....but I guess I will just help him wait til August, that won't cause any stress.

3.  I thought Matthew's IQ was 62, that was the last number I had.  In reality, it is 57.  Average is 100. It is beyond impossible to balance that he speaks so well, but processes so little.  His presentation does not match the reality that is Matthew's delays.  I have got to wrap my head around this, and alter my expectations.  Not that I will lower my expectations, because I expect him to always rise to be his best, BUT, often I think he can do things he can't and I have got to come to terms with his limitations in order to set him up for success.

4.  The teacher says he is testing at a 5th grade math level.   The other day we were buying milk for $3 and ketchup for  $0.89 .  When asked how much milk and ketchup would cost together he could not figure it out.  I asked the teacher how he is testing at a 5th grade math level.  her answer......the questions on the test were multiple choice, he is a good guesser.

Thank you for that information.......that is basically worthless.  I deal in realities.....in reality I need him to understand $3 plus $0.89 is $3.89.  How about we start there?



2 comments:

  1. Amie: Regarding the math question. Did you present the information to Matthew verbally? Or on paper? Sometime kids with delays have low working memory, so it can be hard to keep the piece of information on their mental blackboard, so to speak. But on paper, they can do the operation. In 'real life' they would need to write things in a notebook or on a device. But if they know the operation, they can do the math, and would test OK. Just a thought.

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    1. This time was in his head but we have tried paper with mixed results in the past. Thank you though for ur reminder! Short term memory issues are a huge struggle
      For Matthew and is something I don't often realiZe the impact it has on him

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