About Me


I am a single mom of three amazing boys!  All three of my sons entered my family through adoption.  All three of my boys have developmental disabilities. My oldest son, Matthew has been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder. David, my middle son, has a genetic condition, he has a duplication on his 15th chromosome which leads to autism like symptoms, seizures and learning challenges. My youngest son, Jacob has learning disabilities. Each of my children bring unique challengs to our family and also bring their own personality and joys to our everyday life!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

in a funk....

ok, I am writing this all out, and then the plan is to GET OVER IT! I am in a funk...not quite sure why, I know that I can worry myself to death, but I also know that in doing that I can also miss lots and lots of good times. So, here it is...all worries in 1 place, and then I am putting them to bed.

Worry #1
We look "too different" to fit in.....In reality, I am sure that I am the only one seeing Matthew as SO different, but man is it smacking me in the face recently....I feel like all he is doing is talking nonstop about nothing...and sometimes it is SO embrassing. Can he ever be quiet? Why has he circled back to an obsession with mufflers? Why is he larger than life?

worry #2-
While David is better than he was a year ago, he just seems "off" to me a lot recently- am I looking too hard at him? is something going on? He is quiet...too quiet for my comfort...he just doesn't look good- and I know no one else will see it...and I konw I am an overworrier, but momtuition tells me something is "off"

worry #3-
I want each of the boys to have 1 good friend. Matthew's birthday is at the end of this week and while there are GREAT family friends for us to celebrate with, and I am ETERNALLY thankfuly for all of them, I will always wish that he had 1 good friend of his own.

worry #4-
I don't feel like we or I am fun to be with recently....life is just so BIG all the time, and so it is my goal to put the big away and just giggle, laugh and have fun...but that is easier said than done...especially when I feel like the incessant talking is making me crazy.
I am in my phase of life is too big for me. The house is overwhelming, I can't get it cleaned up. Each of the boys needs something new- process the SPOA stuff for Matthew, try to find a respite worker, look for someone new for reshab for matthew, focus on Jacob's speech, check on David, and fit in laughing and making memories......

worry #5
everyone these days is talking about extra help for their kids- do we need social groups? what will happen if we don't do 1? Do we need extra school work time? remedial efforts? Can summer just be about fun? Who needs what? How badly is it needed? what is the consequence of not doing remedial work? Is summer school enough? What if it is all I can offer? What is the true priority? how do I know?

I know all parents worry...so I know I am not alone in that at all.....but it just seems like there is so much to worry about.....and I dont know what should be worried about first....and the stress of knowing how to worry just makes more stress, which means I dont know who to worry about.......ugh......

5 comments:

  1. Amie I can sympathize with you on SO many levels and I have the same worries sometimes as well. It's GOOD to get it off your chest, especially here when you can come back in a month and re-read it (when your feeling great).

    I will give you a short list myself.

    1) I don't think you "stand out" at all. I have seen many "typical" families that stand out much more!!

    2) I know we ALL hope for our kids to have one "good" friend. But they are still young. Even Johnny doesn't have a close friend. Many aquaintences (sp?) but not a really close friend he hangs with all the time. The truth is, his best friend is his brother.

    3) I haven't been around you lately, but you are ALWAYS fun to be around, even in our intense school conversations.

    4) I don't even offer my child summer school (and turn down the school). I'm sick of it and think he needs a break too. He does camp with 5 or 6 visits (all summer long) of tutoring and summer reading. End of story. WE ALL NEED A BREAK!!!! Don't beat yourself up! Your a GREAT mom!

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  2. ps- I forgot to add that if you start acting like someone we BOTH KNOW I will NOT let you, LOLOLOLOLOLOL! ;)

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  3. if I ever become her, I expect to be taken out back and shot!

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  4. ROFL I am PEEING my pants!!! :)

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  5. I think that you are doing a spectacular job and that your boys are spectacular as well. If anyone doesnt love the boys the way they are - screw them!! :P

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