rock bottom

I cannot figure out how to cope with today, so I have decided that maybe I need to write out my feelings and fears and hopefully that will help.

It started out as a good day....it had been a rocky week- a rough Monday started with me driving Matthew to school- he had decided he just wasn't going. After the principal and teacher got him out of the car he had a good day.

Tuesday, I went out to start my car and it simply wouldn't start. $1200 and some new tires and a new part for the car later, and the day was looking up. Unfortunately at 3:30 I got a call that Matthew had been tantrumming for 45 minutes and would not get on the bus to go to his after school program. My car was still in the shop, and there was no one who could help me get Matthew. Luckily at the last minute he got on the bus himself and had a great day at the after school program.

Wednesday was a good day- the kids were happy, the sun was shining and all was good.

Thursday however we hit the bottom- the low, what I hope to be the turning point for Matthew.

The morning started off ok, the kids were playing and happy together. Unfortunately, Matthew made a few bad choices- told some lies, refused to do his homework which he had not done Wednesday night either, and stole some food. Sadly, while none of these alone were big incidents, this meant that he was starting his school day with 4 zeros, and therefore would be missing recess. Had he just told the truth, or done his homework, or not taken the food he was told he could not have, all would have been fine....however, once matthew realized he was not getting recess, the day quickly plummetted.

It started with him refusing to get on the bus to go to school. He sent the bus away twice. So I drove him to school, and he would not get out of the car. I went in to get the principal to see if she could help. She brought out his teacher and the three of us worked with matthew for 30 minutes trying to get him out of the car. We encouraged good choices, we reminded him that while he had lost some things he still had free time at school. he still could play at home this evening. he could read the daily schedule. he just had to get into school. Sadly, he refused, and refused and refused.

After 30 minutes of trying to encourage him and cajole him into school, the teacher and principal decided it was time for the next step. The Safety officer for Bethlehem schools was called to escort matthew into school. My boy is 8. A young, young 8. I have never been so sad and scared....what would happen? How would he react? What would I do? How did our lives get to this point? Why God? Why?

The only one not phased when the safety officer arrived was Matthew. It took the safety officer and a policeman 25 more minutes to encourage matthew to get into school. I was asked to leave- have you ever had to drive away like that? Matthew crying, jacob worrying, me a wreck...and I drove away.

I watched from across the street until I saw Matthew safely inside. I checked with the policeman as he was leaving, and he said all was ok.....It took all my powers and I didnt call the school until 12:30 to check on my boy.

At 2:30 I got an email from the teacher- asking that I not call during the school day. That it disrupts the class. That she will call if there is a problem. That she will write in the notebook if he has a hard day. That NO NEWS is GOOD NEWS......My son went in to school today escorted by 2 policemen.

NO NEWS is GOOD NEWS? There is no good news......not today....not for me.